…she’d be your Zadie
Old Yiddish Proverb
Yes, we’ve travelled this road together in the past.
Some choose to complain; I prefer to celebrate.
Because, sometimes what has come before offers not only warm remembrance but also, in updated context, new meaning.
So it goes with our titular phrase, the essence of which is an admonishment against the follies of rationalizations to which we all, fall, from time, to time, victim. Typically, it takes the form of telling ourselves that if this one thing had been different, an outcome would have been more to our liking. But –so the saying tells us, that one thing wasn’t different, and, as such, the result was what it was.
However, there’s some special elements of this week’s idiom, the first of which is how well its transliterated Yiddish version trips off one’s tongue. If you doubt this, simply recite the phrase a few times. Particularly if you’re Jewish, I defy you to inform me that it doesn’t make you feel better.
When I find myself in times of trouble, this is my affirmation.
And, blessedly, if you’re not a Jew, there are equally pleasing-to-the-lips versions of the same truism. I am particularly predisposed, in a positive way, towards the manner it is uttered by those New Yorkers of Irish and/or Italian descent, who, using hard-edged tones for their consonants, bark out “if your grandma had balls, she’d be your grandpa”.
I am further fond of the expression due to its sublime illogic. Because, of course, even if your Bubbie did have beytsim, she’d be unlikely to be your Zadie, as a) it would likely have dampened your actual Zadie’s romantic ardor for her; and b) even if this wasn’t the case, present-day biological constraints would’ve rendered it problematic for the couple to have spawned either of your parents.
All of which brings us to our grand moment of recontextualization, because, in modern times, it has become fashionable to define one’s gender, one’s reproductive capabilities, if you will, as one sees fit. And, this means, taking this concept to its logical extreme, your Bubbie can become your Zadie simply by deciding to be so.
But here’s the good news. I have no interest in using this space to debate the veracity of the preceding statement. I’ll leave that to others of superior wisdom. Instead, I will focus on the broader themes here – the ones that feature the human foible of laying blame for misfortune and missed opportunity on factually disputable dispositives.
Meantime, what looked like a slow news week, threw off some heat before it shut itself down. Our armies are filling the Persian Gulf with hardware, and I’ve got a small hunch that this in and of itself bears watching.
GDP came in weaker than expected, and, in Pavlovian fashion, The Big Dog blamed The Shutdown Dems (it was, of course, entirely their fault) and, inevitably The Fed, for messing up an economy that he has repeatedly described as “perfect”. If Congress had only done his bidding and The Fed had only aggressively slashed rates…
…if your Bubbie had beytsim…
Then, in what falls unambiguously under the heading of being a shock but not a surprise, on Friday, SCOTUS shot down Papa Bear’s bestowal upon himself the right to set tariffs as he sees fit.
God Bless SCOTUS,
But I have no more interest in lecturing the masses about the absurdity of placing the decisions as to levies relating to this country’s >$5T International Trade business in one man’s hands, about how tariffs are a tax, control over which the Constitution plainly places in the hands not of the Executive but rather of the Legislative Branch, etc. But let’s just be thankful that the keys have been taken away from a guy who, by all appearance, has had one too many.
And this is to say nothing of the lead-up, which, among other things, included a report issued by the New York Fed which suggested, contrary to the solemn, holy proclamations emanating from Truth Social, that American consumers are footing ~90% of the tariff bill.
The logical inference here is that Trump, famous throughout his life for, when it suits him, attempting to sew baytsim on his Bubbie, will pull a fast one. In fact, it took about 10 minutes post SCOTUS decision for him to slap another 10% on global trade, as the world’s punishment for daring to defy him.
Strike that. Make it 15%. Just in case anyone failed to get the message the first time.
All of which was accompanied by his accusing certain “nay” voters of The Nine as being disloyal and others of being traitors.
And I fear this is the mere beginning of his Revenge Tour. Expect more fire and brimstone of this nature in the immediate future.
A new idea just popped into my head, which, if it comes to pass, remember you read it here first. The entire rational world has been/still is living in terror at the prospect of a Progressive takeover that achieves what even FDR couldn’t pull off 90 years ago – the packing of the Supreme Court.
I now have a hunch that our misanthropic Attorney General – Pam Bondi – may have received orders to research this very topic, with the opposite ideological outcome in mind.
And why not? There are rumors that Alito is considering retirement, and Clarence Thomas – nearing 100 (he’s actually only 78) – cannot be far behind. The political winds are blowing ill for Papa Bear, he’s hopping mad at SCOTUS and, as he has showed that he is capable of nearly anything – including, perhaps, adding a half dozen seats – all to be filled by Big Orange acolytes.
I will say this about the dude: he’s got beytsim.
But here’s the thing – the markets barely reacted to any of this. Which surprised me. Because I think the entire scene spells potential trouble for investors.
You wouldn’t know it from the tape, though. Noticeably tepid GDP barely budged the bond market. Or the dollar. True, pending hostilities in the Persian Gulf have boosted the Energy Complex, but not as much as one might think. Equities gathered themselves into an afternoon rally in the wake of the co-equal judiciary branch’s defiance of the Chief Executive. And that always unpredictable Vixen VIX rendered herself ever so slightly more sublime.
But there are no beytsim under heaven that will convert Vixen VIX from your Bubbie into your Zaydie.
On balance, therefore, it looks like a tricky situation, and one where no beytsim-enhanced Bubbies or beytsim-bereft Zadies are likely to offer much aid or comfort. Taken to its most dismal extreme, we could, in a short period of time, find ourselves at war in the Persian Gulf, facing global, bi-lateral trade embargoes, a Department of Homeland Security catalyzed Federal Government shutdown – all against a backdrop of an economy, which, if the current data can be believed, appears to be slowing down.
And, to top it all, the East Coast is under a full-on assault from Mother Nature, which began on Sunday and carried forward into this week. Which has deeply messed with my flow in terms of parking on the Upper West Side.
But you don’t wanna read about my problems.
NVDA reports this week, but even that shouldn’t matter much, because that great engine of equity wealth creation is currently stuck in neutral:
On the other hand, sew some beytsim on your Bubbie and all sorts of miracles are not only possible, but likely.
But in the real world, one rarely, if ever, encounters this condition. And for this, I think we can be grateful. Best instead to deal with the realities as we experience them. And, from this perspective, I believe that on balance, caution is called for. Let’s not try to manufacture things that don’t exist, but rather, deal with the realities as they unfold.
Who knows? Things may work out better than we even imagined. And if not, we’ll deal with it as best we can.
TIMSHEL