“Spotcheck Billy got down on his hands and knees
He said “Hey mama, hey let me check your oil all right?”
She said “No, no honey, not tonight.
Come back Monday, come back Tuesday, and then I might”
— Lowell George
Any of y’all remember a few weeks back when I invited my readers to be a good rascal and join the band? Course you do. But not many of you followed through. I guess being a good rascal, never an easily attainable objective, is now barely worth aspiring to. No musical knowledge was even required; only that you follow me on Twitter @KenGrantGRA, where my numbers are indeed up, mostly as populated by Bots. They have handles like @JonitaDouwood (Daffy Duck Avatar) and @YaniessyCruff (Homer Simpson/Tighty-Whitey Avatar) and their accounts were created in May of 2018.
Anybody know these cats? Didn’t think so. On the other hand, though I looked carefully, I did NOT see @InsertYourName/TwitterHandle on my roster. But it’s OK; I forgive you. Again. And now all I can do is carry on like the band that I am. That’s right. I. Am. A. Band. Just like the Black Eyed Peas, or, more pertinently for our purposes, just like Little Feat.
So, if it’s all the same to you, I think I’ll just go ahead and join myself.
But before I do, I must encourage you to give LF’s seminal live album “Waiting for Columbus” a listen, because: a) it pretty much captures to perfection the Feat sound; and b) it came out early in 1978 — just 6 short months before the release of the film adaptation of “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” starring Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees.
Historians, wherever else they may differ, are generally in agreement that the film version of “Pepper” marks the low point in the ~3,500 years of organized human civilization. And, to add insult to injury, it was produced by the magnificent George Martin, and featured performances from such legit rockers as Jeff Beck, Alice Cooper, Billy Preston and Earth Wind and Fire.
It came out that July, and is now mostly known for setting the Siskel/Ebert Thumbs Down Speed Record. But back in February, when “Columbus” dropped, we were blissfully ignorant of what fate had in store for us. So we popped on Side One, which opens with the “Join the Band” chant and then folds into an energetic “Fat Man in the Bathtub”.
And I have decided to follow the same sequence.
I’ll begin like Spotcheck Billy, getting down on my hands and knees and asking: hey mama hey let me check your oil, alright?
Because there is indeed a fat man in the bathtub, with the blues. If you listen carefully, you can hear him moan.
What ails thee, fat man? As one like you, I’d say that things are perking up for us adult males of formidable gravitational force. The large contingent of us who are investors can rejoice in the reality that our already-corpulent holdings are expanding further. The equity securities we own – and I mean anywhere in the world – experienced a noticeable valuation swelling about the belt this past week, and what’s bluesy about that?
Some of us pudgy types might even go so far as to take a victory lap, in celebration of the heroic recovery of some of our favorite names — each of which, including Facebook (attacked for cynically selling our data), Amazon (Trump Tweet victim) and Apple (myriad naysayers taking shots) suffered under recent threat by a series of diverse and nefarious forces.
How do you like ‘em now?
Fat Cat FB Ample-Bellied AMZN
Anti-Newtonian AAPL
Heck, even Tesla, the most hated enterprise this side of Enron, has recovered a good measure of its valuation equanimity:
Notably, this is a company that burned through a cool $1 Billion that it didn’t have in the first quarter, whose CEO refused to answer questions about incremental funding sources on the earnings call – because he found them boring, and who, on the same call, practically begged investors NOT to buy his stock.
But who could resist such a pitch? Not us fat men for sure. So, while my In-Box is assaulted on a daily basis by articles suggesting the that the Company will not, CANNOT survive, the stock that simply HAS to go to zero (and soon) has risen a cool 20% in Q2 alone. And we’re only half way through the quarter.
All of this action contributed to an increasingly rotund Mr. Spoo’s breakout — to ranges above it’s 50, 100 and 200 Day Moving Averages. He’s been fatter before (say, in January), and it’s now anybody’s guess whether he continues to gorge himself or backs away from the table and/or mixes in a salad now and then.
There’s a similar story to be told about zaftig bond holders, who, after suffering the early week indignities of a selloff into 3% yield territory, could not but be pleased about the subsequent rebound. Notably, these markets were able to incorporate the issuance of $75B of new paper and live to tell the tale.
3% on the 10-year still looks like an unbreachable wall, but Fixed Income bears could at least take some comfort in the continued selling activity on shorter-duration instruments, perhaps in part catalyzed by some truly tepid inflation statistics issuing from the Commerce Department this past week. These and other factors wedged the yield curve into increasingly narrow, and likely unsustainable “skinny jean” territories:
2s/10s – Looking Increasingly Scrawny:
Of course, even us obese gentlemen occasionally look beyond the financial pages as we digest our Grand Slam Breakfasts, and were not slow to notice that the U.S. is now out of the dubious Iran Nuclear Deal and gearing up for a potentially dubious summit with one of our own: Little Fat Man Kim Jung Un. These things mean something, but I’ll be switched if I can put my finger on what that might be.
One might hazard a guess that the risk premium has dropped in recent sessions, but I wouldn’t necessarily bank on its continued suppression. Trust me on this: just like everyone else, Mr. Risk likes to eat, and if we don’t feed him appropriately, he’s perfectly capable of gorging himself – at our expense.
But the plain truth is that across the back half of Q2, there’s just not that much to write, much less write home about, in risk-land. I’ve predicted quiet, and I reckon I’ll stick with that prediction.
And to my fellow fatties out there I say this: if the action bores you, go take a bath. And, for what it’s worth, I don’t see much reason for you to cry the blues. Spotcheck Billy is going to take another crack at that whole oil-checking thing — as soon as Monday, and, if you clean yourselves up and stop your moaning, perhaps you can do the same.
Alternatively, you can still join the band @KenGrantGRA. And be forewarned: if you don’t, then within a short period of time, I’ll be forced to continue down the “Columbus” track sequence and lay a little “All That You Dream” on everyone.
The opening line of that song says it all: “I’ve been down, but not like this before”.
Let’s not go there, OK?
TIMSHEL